Love Life & Be Brave

“You used to say that there’s a time we all deserve to lose our minds. So I lost my mind. Now I’m ready to find my way.” 

- Train, I Wish You Would

Loving Life…

I had toe-curling, heated, cling-onto-the-pile-of-blankets-around-me kind of sex yesterday and pushed through an insanely difficult workout this morning. 

Life is good :)

I feel like a bad blogger…

Usually I write about my difficulties or successes in recovery and my progress and setbacks, but I have nothing to report…

I have met the most beautiful man on the planet. He is sweet, kind, smart, funny, he’s got a beautiful heart and loves his family. He thinks ahead, and he plans things. He eats with his left hand, but isn’t left handed. I am in love with him. He has saved me, and I him. 

Maybe his part of my recovery, but that’s the thing: I don’t want him to just be a part of my recovery. I want him to experience me, fully recovered. He doesn’t deserve to have me panicking about the size of my legs, or that embarrassing line through the middle of my stomach, indicating fat. He shouldn’t have to ever see me cry over eating a dinner he wanted to take me out on. He doesn’t deserve to take me dinner, just to have me running to the bathroom to get rid of it. 

I want to love him, to wake up next to him, to have his children, to care for him when he’s old, to rock next to him on my rocking chair in the old person’s home. 

I want him, forever, and I need to be fully recovered to do that. 

I’ve come upon something very good…

And that is what HE said.

Ladies, I have recently discovered something that we all need to keep in mind: skinny DOES NOT equal love.

I am currently at the highest weight I have been in two years and that is extremely uncomfortable for me. But recently I have met a man, so beautiful and amazing in his own way. From first looking at him, with his gorgeous eyes and perfect body (with abs of steel, yes sir) I didn’t think he would be interested in me because I was too heavy. I was afraid for him to touch me, pick me up, see my fat roll when I sit.

But girls, this part is important: when we are together, he looks in my EYES.
of course he looks at my body, but he doesn’t care if it’s skinny or fat or black or white. When he’s looking into my eyes, he’s really seeing who I am, and it doesn’t even matter if I’m a size 0 or 6.

Even more, he has his own insecurities. In fact, he hates a great deal about his body and is working diligently to change the parts he hates. And to me, he is absolutely gorgeous and flawless.

So it just goes to show you, the way you look isn’t going to determine if you are loved or not, it is what is on the inside that counts!

Stay strong: love life & be brave